I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
