Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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