We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
