No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
