Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
