If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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