Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
