I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
