I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
