FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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