Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
