Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
