I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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