I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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