I think my vagina is haunted
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
