I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
send nudes
from the living room?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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