So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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