This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
