I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
