There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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