Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
