please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
