perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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