overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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