I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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