take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
