Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I am available for nakedness
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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