he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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