I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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