I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
