God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
