What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
