Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
