Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
