wakey wakey hands off snakey
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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