I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
a search helicopter?!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
