I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I wear drunk well.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
