Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
