I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
