you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
