Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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