What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I checked into jail on foursquare
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
