do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
