Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
