I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
MIDGETS
????
I believe in your delicious
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
