Already got asked if we're dating
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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