I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
