I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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