I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
