You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
