The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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