Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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