Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
